♀♂1095 3/4 days ♀♂

3 years .. and yet, I'm still haven't been able to convince myself.The past cant just be 'the past'...left alone be forgotten.It's grown stronger on me over the years.Still whispers in my ear.Can't seem to get rid of it.I've tried...I've hated...thought I did it...yet deep inside I know it still isnt over... Hurts really bad everytime...I can't even move on or start over.I don't want to hold on this long.But everytime...it just seems like I have no other choice.I was made to feel so good about myself by that one person;though now I realise it was all pretend at some point.He noticed everything about me...my hair...my eyes when I smiled...everything.It just felt 'perfect' ... Trying to forget everything is obviously not working on me.Everytime I think of the hell he put me through....my mind somehow drives me to think about the millions of awesome times we shared together.Felt good to have so much attention on me,just once..now that it's all gone... and I miss it..a lot..and though I think I've found someone....somehow...doesn't feel like it's going any further than that...the fact that we can't be together tends to make me believe that it's because if that someone in my past.Nobody's telling me what I want to hear anymore.Iam tired...I'm frustrated...I don't know who to trust anymore.I want to get out of everything.Just seems like its impossible,no matter how much I try.

3 years...wasted... still feels like it was worth wasting.It's wrong I know.I've killed my own my dreams...I've hid from them on my own.My insecurities have gotten the best of me.I'm already over...

It's been too long...still not ready.I can't trust with letting anyone into my life anymore...nothing else I can do but deal with the fact that the world has turned it's back on me.It's not my fault...I'm the victim..=[

➹ Black and White : Perpetual Tattoo ☭

Marked bruises scarred permanent ;
Carved deep , my bleeding heart .
Your eyes outlined , a complex difference ;
useless to you ; un-slayed impatience .
Cracked limbs , broken bones ;
weak and dead . . . You killed me .

Stitched , knived , under my skin ;
Head lost , name ruthlessly pinned .
Black and blue tears ; un-escaped sweet surrender ,
Sacrificed tears , blazing un-tender .
Lips frozen cold , un-kissed , un-warm ;
Wasted apologies , nothing , but a lifeless
soul . . .

Burnt page in my diary , painted black and
white in my mind ;
Forgot to breathe , looking back both sides .
Letting go , strong vicious taboo ;
Burning , left stranded , this perpetual tattoo . . .

^_^ Happy Effin' B'day You A** ^_^

Okay...So I know it's your b'day ... But I have this crazy feeling that I should seriously diss you...wait...maybe I shouldn't do this...Nah....Wtf right?! =P ... It's not like you didn't hurt me... Better now than never eh?! =P
I've thought over stuff for some time now....and I've come to realize that....you really are a great big jerk....=] .... it's just too bad I kept blaming myself for every effin' thing you did .... wasted my time ... =/ still hurts ... guess I can feel free to rub it all in on you ... it's ok... I insist ...
You've been nothing but an a** to me ... So... my b'day present to you...would probably be something real nasty .. O_O .. yeah ... so I'm guessing you kinda' wouldn't want to know...=P
I don't know how many times you've said ' i love you' ... people like you don't really know what that is...love is a big word..you don't just say it .. [ especially to your ex girlfriend while you're still together with your current girlfriend ] ... so shut up and don't say it if you don't mean it... if you feel like you have nothing better to do... then go smell you own armpits or something...seriously...
'Sorry' now seems to be the easiest word for you to say... every time you get horny ... or you feel like hitting on another girl..you just have this real annoying tendency to tell me that you're sorry and you still love me... I hate it... I really do.... the only reason why I don't say anything is because I'm just being nice to you .... inside I feel like giving you a super wedgie and kicking you around like a football...
Gosh...insulting you like this feels so good...especially on your b'day... =] ...
Happy Effin' B'day Ex .... =D

=[ ... Sophie ... ]=

She didn't have anyone to talk to,
anyone to share,
anyone to hold her close,
tell her that it's life;tell her that they care...

She cries lying on her bed everyday,
Then crawling into a dark corner,there she would stay.
Cheeks burning red,pressure on high;
She cries her heart-out and there she would lie...

So fragile and broken,
Beneath the curtains ... alone ... unspoken.
Her words never seem to matter,
tired and hopeless,nothing's getting better...

Her secrets un-kept,
by those she thought her cover slept...
She couldn't take it anymore;
She wanted to tell someone...someone she didn't really know...

Attempting to break her silence,
She began calling random numbers, to stop her inside violence...
Several wrong and engaged numbers she dialled;
but then she got a ring , a ring of hope....to let out what was filed...

'Hello' , the person said,
she froze ; hung up ...on what she thought , would bring her to rest;
She got up...sat down...rang again;
this time when the person answered, then talking ... she began...

With the broken heart and soul she had,
she told Aunty Rita...how her life was bad...
completely forgetting she was a stranger and all...
she told her everything..up until the last leaf fall..

Guilty by saying SOPHIE was her true identity,
she felt hopeless , lost...with lack of integrity;
though she didn't want Aunty Rita to know who she was;
she didn't want her to know,she was the one...who suffered all cause...

With hopes and satisfaction of Aunty's kind words,
''Sophie'' promised she'd call...whenever she fell off curbs...

''SOPHIE''... so sad...broken-hearted and down;
she still lies down...every night with a frown...
tears still roll down her cheeks ... emptiness still haunts her...
Ever beat of her heart....hurting...as it still pounds harder....

♡ ... With Every Beat Of My Broken Heart ... ♥

I'm so tired of figuring out complicated theories as to why I can't just seem to let go...It's like I can't feel anything when you're not around.I poured my heart out just for you...with pieces still left behind broken...why can't you just leave me alone...just go away...I'll never understand..I can never seem to let go...='[
I feel so stupid...just thinking back on everything...seemed like you're the only one who could paint my black and white life...and then...you left...when I didn't want you to say good-bye...
Trying to hide what I feel inside isn't doing me any good...I want to tell you...but you probably don't care anyway...you just shut me down straight...like it was an easy thing to do...='[
I speak from the bottom of my broken heart...with every beat of my broken heart...bruises,cuts,scars,stitches...unhealed...wounds still aching...
I just wish you could see me right through your eyes...guess floating was the only thing I could do in your stupid lies...=/
Don't mind me...I'm still hurt... probably will be for the rest of my life...

♡... Cause and Effect ...♥

Yea...every effect does come with a cause...its just a plain and simple theory...guess everybody understands it if I put it that way...bet you would too...=/ The cause between us which turned into an effect was what we had....what we had been through...can't believe you just let it slide that easily...still think about it everyday...still think about you everyday...know I shouldn't...but I just can't stop...=[ If it didn't matter to me this much...I wouldn't even care...I wouldn't want to think of you and we both shared...you've moved on,but I just can't.I can't even sleep through the pain.My heart is just sewn up with all these stitches;and they wont even stay still...gets loose...wants my heart to bleed...yes...Iam in pain...and I know you know.. Just thinking about you makes me cry...reminds me of those times when we used to be one.We shared the same heart;you had the key to my side of the heart and I had yours...with no positivity in mind...I'm just skeptical about trusting anyone anymore...='[ The cause I'll never forget....with the bitter-sweet memories the only thing that's left behind...every moment I still cherish.The effect...still leaving me hurt...your betrayal...changing my life forever. Wish you would just stay in my past....but it seems like my mind thinks about you and what we had all through my future.... After we've broken up...I feel like I'm nothing but a dead battery...

=/ ='[ I'm not them ... I can't be them ... I'm just Me ]'= /=

'I'm not them...I can't be them...I'm just me' , is what I think every freakin' time I get compared to my cousins.
True .. My cousins are drop-dead gorgeous.They are like the definition of ''good looking'' .... not my fault I don't look like em' ... =/
I'm always... always compared to em' .. whenever we have a get-together or a party and the four of us [including me] are there...I'm always the on who's picked on...judged...it sucks...it really really sucks...I mean..maybe its cuz' I'm the only girl that my parents have or something??!! and they just compare me to my cousins cuz'..umm..they have nothing better to do??!!well..I still don't get it though.
I've had times where both I overhear conversations...and people just talking about it right infront of me.Okay..so I'm not all that....I don't like wearing make up...I like wearing shorts and double shirts and t's .... I can't help it... I mean... if you don't like the way I look , just shut up about it... I know...but I can't change stuff I don't have control over.There were about4 situations where these women..just came up to me and them[my cousins] and right in ma' face... she's like...''u 3 girls look so gorgeous...but naufa doesn't look anything like you...'' bla bla bla bla bla...gosh...I know....but then...I wish they would just zip it..you know..just..stop it..
Well....this is not da only situation encountered.I have just tons...from as long as I can remember.People...just accept it...and say hello to the girl that I am... =\

^__^ How Many Magpies?!? ^__^

One for sorrow,
Two for joy,
Three for a girl,
Four for a boy,
Five for silver,
Six for gold,
Seven for a secret ... never to be told ...

♥◕‿◕ ... Adam Lambert ... ◕‿◕♥

=D . . . ADAM LAMBERT . . . =D
My American Idol 2009

♥_. I LOVE YOU . . .

OMG ! ! ! ! The first time I ever heard him sing .... . I LOVED HIM !!!!!!! He is my next American Idol .... DEFINATELY !!! Isn't he just SO OOOOOO drop dead gorgeous??!!!!
I men... every time American Idol comes on TV ... I just can't wait to get a glimpse of him... even when the camera isn't on him. Half the time when they don't show him on .. I just wish he was walking around the background and stuff.. just for me to see... He' s just saw AWESOME-OSO !!!! I LOVE HIS VOICE AND I LO VE HIM !!!! =D ...
Everytime I see him on TV .. I just jump and scream and OMG .... I just go OOBER CRAZEH!!!!!

=D WORK EXPERIENCE WEEK [=

DID I TELL U HOW AWESOME-OSO IT WAS??!!!!
WELL IT WAS !!!! =D
]'=...then it ended ... ='[

= ] . . . They Say It's Going To Rain If . . . [ =

. . . Frogs
croak louder than usual..

. . . Dogs whine..

. . . Roosters
crow later in the day..

. . . Birds
fly lower to the ground and gather on the tree branches and telephone wires..

. . . Cows sit down in the fields to feed;Before a storm they run around the field with their tails high ...

. . . Bees and butterflies seem to disappear from the flower beds ...

. . . Fish jump out of the water to nip at low-flying insects ...

=/ ..What Teachers Really Mean.. /=

''Good Morning''
Please,don't throw anything.

''What page are we on?''
I've completely forgotten what I've been teaching you.

''We're going to work in groups today,then you can present your ideas to the class''
I'm too tired to teach--you do the work.

''How many times do I have to tell you to bring your dictionary?!Go borrow it from someone in another class..and you're not getting into class unless you have one!''
Doh!Of course no-one brings their dictionary...it just gives me more time to escape teaching...

''Oh,I've forgotten something...I'll come back in a minute...you keep quiet while I'm gone''
Sheesh,why do I care?I'm only going to come back after half the period's over anyway.

''You've all gotten F's in your last test!!''
I was too lazy to mark the papers...so I just gave em' all the same grade...

''Bye...have a nice weekend!''
Phew...finally!!!

^_^ ...Gurl's Day Out =P... [It was freakin' AWESOME-OSO!!!wootwoot!!''^_^

]=[ ...Still On mY Own... ]=[

Sitting here alone on my bed,
my face turning a sad pale red...
Tears keep crawling down my cheeks,
'Why?' I keep asking,the answer I still seek...

Don't know why all these sorrows end up in my life;
The pain I feel,seems sharper than a stab with a knife.
There's just so many reasons I cry,
The question 'how are you?' and the answer 'Im ok..' is a great big lie...

All these bitter tears of sorrow,
with so many reasons to why they even follow;
All I know is that my hear has this hole so hollow,
for there's no-one to lend me love,even to borrow...

I'm helpless I tell you,nobody's here,
nobody to share or even whisper in my ear.
Crying an bawling,I'm here all alone;
Tears keep crawling,and I'm still on my own...

='[All I did was love you]'=

I remember staring at you since I can't remember when,
You seemed like an angel, who stood out for me then;
I kept that secret within me,
wishing that one day,we would forever be...

I kept wishing when you would notice me,
hoping 'when?' that day would be.
I couldn't help blushing when you smiled,
but the secret I kept remained privately filed.

You lightened up my day,
You brightened up my soul.
Not seeing you for even a second,
turned my whole day into a sorrowful mould.

My secret soon uncovered from its place,
till today I don't know how.
Everyone started calling me by your name;
you were speechless discovering my game.

Since then I built up stress;
My whole life turned into quite a mess.
You wouldn't even talk or look at me,
tearing my heart,making it feel as unlucky as it could ever be...

You threw our friendship far far away,
you won't know how much I cried.
You began dating all my friends,
making me feel like I had come to an end.

Why would you even think of hurting me?,
after giving you all the live there was meant to be...
You made it seem as if loving you was a crime;
You gave me nothing but endless pain.

Why?Why?Why?
I kept asking myself.
How could you do this to me?
All I did was love you...the only you there was to be...

=[=]=\ ... A New Year[2009] .... A New Day ... /=[=]=

The beginning of a new year has always been nothing but an ordinary day for me ... nothing special really ... but this year however....it kinda...sorta' seems different...it does feel different...its hard to make out if its in a good or bad way.It started out in an extremely bad way though...have a feeling the rest of it's not going to go pretty well either...oh well...who knows what might happen next. Ever since the second 2009 started...I knew what was coming at me.I felt my heart beating out loud...almost wanting to pop right out through my body and express all its sorrows.The great tragedy that was about to hit me, I knew, was going to be unbearable.I was going to leave behind that one person I cared about so much...that one person who cared understood me so well.I had to come back to Malaysia after a holiday back at home in the Maldives.I couldn't help but hate 2009...My heart just wanted to tear right apart...seriously...I mean...I can't even describe all those thoughts rushing through my head...everything..just mixed up...the crying...the worrying...everything. I couldn't help but think how I would survive without having to see him for so long.I mean I had been to Maldives that August,met him 2....left with hopes of never going back ever again and OMG....when I got the news that we were going to go back home on December...I was literally on top of the world...getting to see him even in the land where I was tortured,made fun of,put through hell....was worth it!!! I mean...wow...I never thought I'd be able to see him so soon ever again...no... I loved the idea of coming back here [Malay] and be with all my friends....BUT....he was...still is on my mind...he was the reason I wanted to go back...he was the reason I wanted to stay there...in that place where I've been through so many heartaches and pain.... A New Year...a new day...with him...still on my mind .... I MISS U...='[

=/ ...Hey Loser... =/

Hey Loser;
We've both been through so much together...until paths between us turned rocky for whatever reason...I still don't know why.It's been long since we haven't met.Come to think of it,I don't think I'd be that excited to meet you after the hell you put me through.But yeah,there are some stuff I'd like to clear up.You've changed...you definitely have..and from what I've heard and seen...its sooo NOT in a good way...yeah.... You must be feeling like a pretty ''cool'' dude right now...you know..with all the drinking...and smoking...the drugs...getting caught up in these stupid gang fights....yeah...and not to mention going around telling everyone about those so called ''cool stuff'' that you do...flirting with all these girls...even girls that you don't know[you know your pretty good at flirting..and getting attention...]...and like...cheating on you girlfriend...she doesn't know that...right?![that doesn't surprise me though..but all I know is...she seems crazy about you... [heard stuff about your girl too though...so I have no freakin' idea where this is going] The one thing that I know of...that you're like good at is...lying...yeah....I have to say...you're just really good at that.Oh well...at least your good at something.I mean seriously....half the stuff you say...I have a hard time believing them...trust me...I try to...but most of em'...I just don't get it...doesn't seem to make any sense to me.I don't know how you pull it off with those other people....you know...your friends...your family....I mean...I can't imagine how your mom would feel if she knew the kind of person you really are...all these bad stuff you do....I know she'll be devastated...she probably thinks your her innocent son...with a clean record and stuff....I mean...if she found out..I can't even think of the words to describe how she'll feel...I just hope and pray your brother doesn't get into this...It may be too late now...but I'm just saying... Even when I know you made me believe all your lies...blamed me for things I didn't do...took advantage of me...I guess I still care about you...you know...maybe that's why I'm writing this post...even if I am referring to you as a 'LOSER'...I mean..how can I not call you that??!You're not yourself...I know that you're like way better that this.... To the loser;why can't you just be yourself...and let people judge you for who you are and not for what your not?!...you're just known as being ''cool'' cux your not yourself....you're just getting attention for who you are not...but what you've become... well ... that's all I have 2 say ....
*ME*

=]=/ For a Pessimist....I can pretend 2 be Pretty Optimistic... /=[=

Even through the hardest times of being hurt...the heartaches,the heartbreaks and the pain....I've never complained about it; kept it to myself and pretended I was okay...still do...I don't ruin it for everybody else...you know...like....have my mood swings affect the people around me and stuff....I mean there are times when I do have nervous breakdowns and stuff...its normal to just lose control over everything when you are stressed out right?!?...yeah...I just stay optimistic through all the hard times I face,fake a smile and try looking at the brighter side of everything around people.I struggle to suck it all up when I'm alone...I cry...a lot...for so many different reasons...just countless!!But around everyone else...I'm a good pretender...I pretend...I don't want other people to know what I go through...just seems as though they won't understand...
I know so many different people who don't realize that life is too short...I mean...sure...you do have your own problems...but letting it affect everyone in bad ways...your friends...your family...whoever it may be...its just wrong aint it??!!I'm not saying you shouldn't open up...you should...But with a person that you trust...someone who you know well and you are sure won't go on telling the whole world about your reality.I find opening up extremely hard...But I do try...I have a person that I truly trust and share all I have to...Its better than letting that frustration build up on you and letting it burst out in the form of great range and anger...friends,family and people who are around you are the only people who can make you feel better...you know..get your mind away from everything that's haunting you...so it's best you make the most of it right?!
Whining about every little thing...you know...telling everyone about how you can't do this...how you cant do that...complaining...I mean...come on..theres got to be something way better to do than that right?!I have friends who can't stop...I mean..it kinda gets annoying sometimes....not everyone can hang out with them...you have to have so much patience to even talk to them...like...its soooo freakin' difficult to handle them..you know what I mean?!I mean...instead of just making it hard n difficult for everyone else...why not just have a positive mind set towards things that you face and just go with the flow...makes it easier for you and others to socialize and get to know each other,meet new people and share....
You make your own life...that's something I've learnt...your life is yours...so its like your choice and decision to talk yourself up and tear yourself down...
Just look at me...I mean..I've gone through countless number of situations where I just...you know couldn't take it anymore...But I'm still here,still living...living my life...having a positive outlook on stuff even when everything's not right...My life isn't perfect...no...but I don't tend to show it...I try and make the most of everything...once again...life is too short...
For a pessimist...I'm pretty optimistic...

^-^ Out wid' Friends .... [It wux AWESOME!!!] ^-^

On our way to Pavillion...I luk slypy...=P....Luly thinks I always do...=PxD

In the AWESOME BATHROOM @ Pavillion after the movie...=]

Karaoke Time!!! WOOHOOO!!!

Hasanti..Luly...Me..@ red box karaoke place thingy...=D

Hasanti...Chillin'...=D

Hansanti n' Luly...=]...Luly is up on da freakin' table'!!!!xD...LOL

Me and Hasanti...Me...duin my DUCK DANCE...=PXD

Luly..Me and Hasanti....HELP!!!I'M STUCK!!!XP

Me,Hasantin Zarah...=DEmanuella,Me,Zarah n Hasanti....=D

='[ ... Why I Can't Stand Up 4 Myself ... ]'=

One's feelings and emotions are fragile...you just need to learn to take care of it make the best of it...As 4 me,in my case...no matter how much I try...I end up making things worse to its very extent...I try I really do...I've tried harder and I've tried my hardest...It just doesn't work...I see myself as a failure ready to trip over,fall and cause chaos in whatever situation.Maybe its because of all the personal problems I face....maybe its because nobody understands...I don't know...I really don't...
No matter what I do...I work my very hardest to do what I do...and accomplish that goal to its highest point...I am not competitive in anyway...in fact...I don't really care if someone is better than me as long as I know I've tried my best...I've tried my hardest...but nothing...absolutely nothing I do is ever good enough for anyone...they never...I mean like never ever judge me by how much work I've put into it...how much I've tried...how much I've tried to do my very best...Why can't people just appreciate?!Better yet...if I have done something wrong...why can't people just tell me what it is...and correct me?!,give me a chance to learn?!,teach me if I don't know?!Why?! Is it that hard?!
I've been stepped on and treated worse than a freaking doormat...I'm always the one to blame...people always take advantage of me...I have feelings too....why hurt me?!why should I be the one?!just tell me what I did wrong?!
Ok...so I do tend to be soft with people...look out for their feelings...what they might think...why can't they just do the same for me?!I do as much as I can to appreciate what they do and I how they do it...I look at every possible angle and perspective...be optimistic about it and pass around nice comments about whatever it is...no matter how dissatisfied I am with that particular thing...I help...I try to make it better...and in the end...everyone's happy...everyone except me...why?!;because I let people win....and let myself lose...they know I do that....they do...but no-one...i repeat no-one has the slightest bit of courtesy to even return the favor...to do me any good...why?!;because they know I won't mind...because they know I care about em' more than I ever do 4 myself.....
This really affects me...my future...lacks the chances of giving me the opportunities to stand up for myself...Instead I just worry about what other people might think....about their feelings...even knowing that they don't even give a damn!!!
My broken destiny is probably impossible to repair...how can it anyway?!I've got so many insecurities about myself...nobody tries to help me either....I've been through so much...I can't even protect my own freaking self just because of the fact that I'm just 2 concerned about other people....='[

"_" To My Ex ... [Yeah....da 1 dat hurt me the most]"_"

Dear EX,
Well...Its been long time since v broke up...still hurts...I know you know...Giving you a second chance was probably the biggest mistake I've made yet...cux' u chose to misuse that second chance and repeat the same mistake again...do you know how much that hurts??do you???!! You've moved on...like nothings ever even happened...u don even care do you?I mean...the pain u caused affects me in every way...so t doesn't have anything to do with u right?!Well..thanks for acting like you care anyway...
Knowing that your the one to protest,detest and even forget me is heartbreaking...but because of that...I'm able to exorcise the feelings that torment me,put a smile on my face and fake it...I don't wanna spoil it for everybody...But you have no idea..how much pain and heartache you've caused me...I still cry for all the memories that I 've left behind,even when I knew and believed all those lies cux' everything seemed so perfect when we were together...I mean, I was ready to skip my every heartbeat,every smile for u,forced myself to sleep when I couldn't,just to dream of you...now I know...that all those stuff u said to me was no eulogy for a love song...no...u didn't mean anything you said...u never did...what u said, meant more to me than JUST words...they were like what I depended on...thought you always gave me strength...thought you understood what I went through everyday of my life,thought u really cared....you really had me fooled good didn't u?I was just a show wasn't I?!?
When we were together...I used to look up at the sky every night....wishing we were looking at the same bright star and the same moving clouds...thinking about each other...I guess you really didn't feel the same way...You literally washed away my sanity...I mean...I had no freaking idea what I was doing when you left me...I cried myself to sleep every single night...still do...you wont know how much you've hurt me...I'm sorry to say this...but...thought I'd let you know that my heart's got some many rips and scars...since you've broke it so many freaking times...I fixed it...all on my own...and the wounds still ache...
All I asked from you was a promise....and you couldn't keep it...thats the only one thing I ever asked from you...I never asked for anything more...don't ever say you love me again...cux I might just go and do something crazy....like believe it;what you said to me when we broke up..the words just ripped right through my heart...='[...I still remeber what you said...
I know I'll bleed for you for the rest of my life....Losing your love felt lyk dying...For the guy I've loved and known so well... should have known better than to fall for you ....

''-''....Life...how I deal with it....''-''

Have you ever had times where u seriously wish you could...you know get away from all the crap that's happening in your life and just be alone and get away from it?!?Yeah..Life's not easy....its extremely hard to put up with..You just have to keep up you know...I mean...there's not much of a choice right?!
I've had times where I took life so hard that I just couldn't bare with it anymore...even now...the choices that I make,the stuff that I think about is very pessimistic....I mean...even the everyday situations that I go through are mostly...well..you know...depressing or heartbreaking....although I usually fake my every move and not spoil the day for everyone else...
People don't usually realize all the personal drama that I go through.I never really talked about my personal fears or heartaches...maybe its cux I just wanna feel like crap all the time,maybe its just that I don't trust anyone...I dont really know.No-one's really asked me about it either...I thought no-one would understand...no-one really cared...but this was just a thought...I soon met up with someone who told me what life is all about and how to deal with it...it was then I realized...I was just learning...
15 years of my life....I never though I'd meet anyone who I can open up to and share my experiences with...I've never really cared about it anyway...UNTIL....I met this friend of mine...I realized that....talking to him was the easiest thing I could do...I mean...he really does understand.The stuff he said was entirely true and it made a lot of sense.Come to think of it...I never thought a guy was capable of having such strong thoughts about feelings and you know...just 'stuff'...
He's been through similarly the same stuff that I've been through....that way I knew exactly how he felt....and I thought I was the only one!!!He always tells meme that the secret of life is that you keep on believing that all the hard times that you face in lifebrings you a step closer to the good times your gonna face later....i mean it basically tells you to b optimistic about life no matter what...I've never thought of that before...ever....all I ever thought about was crying and feeling all blue inside...but ever since he's told me that...seriously...i really do take that into consideration..=]
I know its not that easy...just to hold back all the problems and be all ''I'm cool with it'' all the time...but if you think about it...its better than looking at the negative side of life eh?
I still cry...I still am depressed...I still get upset.and I still look at things the wrong way...but one thing I do know is that...Iam progressing...and I do try...=][=

='[Nobody Cares...]'=

My thoughts all go down the drain,
Nobody to share my world of pain.
Tears of sorrow and endless heartbreaks;
Nobody cares about my restless case...

Trying not to cry,
holding my head up high,
I fake my every move;
Nobody cares about what point I can prove...

Having so many stories to share,
bothering to listen,they wouldn't dare;
I keep my feelings all hidden inside;
Nobody cares about how much I ever cried...

Being depressed is normal for someone like me,
I end up depressed every moment there is to be.
Cheering myself up with chocolates and music everytime;
Nobody cares about which ladder I may climb...

x x x x x x x

Once upon a rainy day ...

I was waiting 4 him by my window....counting every second..wondering when he'd show up..I'd told him like so many times that it was okay even if he didn't show up that day...but he said he wanted to come...so I had no other choice but to agree...
It was raining like hell...and I began 2 worry...Just as I was about to text him...My phone rang.I picked up...and I saw him come by my window...with no source to protect him from the rain.All he had was the book I lent him wrapped up in a red plastic bag and a cheeky,yet sweet grin on his face...''Told you I'd come''...he said...
I ran downstairs to greet him...He'd already reached my front door.He was soaking wet!!He handed me the book..and just stood there...staring...
I had no idea what to do...so I stood right beside him...looking at the pale door mat..fumbling with the plastic bag...
My palms began to turn sweaty...my legs shaky....my face turning a red...he was still standing there....
Then finally...he said goodbye...for some reason,I didn't want him 2 leave...right before he left..he touched my hands with so much affection that I really thought I was feeling what he felt...
I knew that this was going to be more than just 'a moment'....15 minutes isn't that long...but those 15 minutes valued much more than gold to me...
2 years has passed since this has happened...and I remember every moment of that day..every single second of what happened...even as I sit here today...one thing I do know is that..I'll never ever forget that once upon a rainy day....=]

^-^A Day Out Wid' ma' Buds! ! ! ^-^

Kireran and Yes-T..getting us popcorn n snacks n stuff...=D..Yes-T's 1st time payin'..afta all those times we've hung out!!!!!sooo..yea..dis was a v happy moment 4 all of us=P

Luly,Me,Hasanti,Zahra..=]..

Luly,Me,Hasanti,Zarah..=]

AAAA!!!Gud times....=]

A moment wid' da High School Musical Cast=P

Luly,Zarah,Hasanti,Zahra

Zahra,Hasanti=]

Zarah,Me,Zahra Anroosh,Luly

The 'Pretend' Puke..LOLXD

Kieran,Zarah,Yes-T,Zahra Anroosh,Luly,Me,Aryan...hmm..hw many fingers stickin' behind Yes-T's head=P

Luly,Me,Zarah,Zahra Anroosh,Hasanti=]

Kieran's face...up close...=P

Yes-T is bluuurrr!!!XD

Hasanti,Zarah,Me,Kieran....=]

Wat da hell wux Kieran doin??!!!XDLOL!!!

Awkward moment...0_0

Hasanti,Me,Zara,Kieran..=]